


Open the Door (and let him in)

by Stennerd



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Ace-Bi Eddie, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality, Bi Buck, Bisexual Buck, Bisexuality, Buck is a good boyfriend, Buck is an understanding boyfriend, Coming Out, Eddie just trying to navigate his sexuality, Fluff, Getting Together, Insecure Buck, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Shannon - Freeform, Misunderstandings, Realizations, ace eddie, asexual Eddie, buddie, insecure eddie, talks about sex, talks about sex and intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stennerd/pseuds/Stennerd
Summary: Eddie had found over the years that relationships have always been a difficult thing to navigate. Being asexual, he found them to be more complicated than they should be because it required a certain finesse that he’s not sure he possessed.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 232





	Open the Door (and let him in)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [falconbigbutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falconbigbutt/gifts).



> I really love the concept of Eddie being on the asexual spectrum and I'm really happy how this turned out, so I hope you all enjoy it!! 
> 
> (Please let me know if there are any tags you want me to add that I may have missed)

Eddie had found over the years that relationships have always been a difficult thing to navigate. Being asexual, he found them to be more complicated than they should be because it required a certain finesse that he’s not sure he possessed. The only relationship he ever had was with Shannon and their courtship started back in high school, before he knew what asexuality was.

He didn’t learn of this term until after he was married, something that he resonated with completely and how it helped label a part of him that he thought was broken. And if he knew then what he knows now, it would have explained a lot about his lack of interest throughout middle school when all of his friends were coupling off left, right and centre and then breaking up just as quickly. At the time it just didn’t make any sense to him. But now he knows it just wasn’t his thing.

Being with Shannon though was easy, they were friends first and when he needed a prom date she was the first person he asked. From then on, they’d become a thing, and yet they were best friends more than anything which he thought made the whole sleeping together thing more tolerable.

He didn’t hate sex per se, but it didn’t give him the pleasure or generate the sexual attraction that seemed to be the case with so many of his friends. He loved Shannon though, so he did it anyway because that was what was expected when you were in a relationship. She didn’t seem to notice his lack of passion as anything out of the ordinary either that or he was just good at pretending, and he was fine with that, to begin with.

At least until she started wanting more. After they got married, she wanted children and so did he, to a degree, except for the fact that it meant actively trying for a baby which Eddie was less than keen about. But once again he did what was asked of him because it was what they both wanted, even if he had no real desire to be that physically intimate with anyone.

It didn’t take him long after they started trying, to realise that he couldn’t cope with this extended amount of sexual intimacy that was required of him. So much so that one day he needed to escape it and somehow found himself enlisting. When Shannon told him she was pregnant, he was both ecstatic about the prospects of being a father and relieved that they wouldn’t have to be sexually intimate anymore.

Safe to say he didn’t really have the finesse for relationships, especially now that Shannon was gone and he an eight-year-old son to look after. That is, at least, until he started paying more attention to his relationship with Buck.

Once they had gotten past their rocky first impressions, they had become fast friends, working seamlessly together. And it felt just like how he and Shannon used to be in the beginning, but it also felt like there was something more somehow.

Without him realising it, Buck had quickly become his stability, his rock. He always seemed to be there when things mattered most, and he cared for Christopher as much as Eddie did and understood that he was Eddie’s number one priority. He was sincere and thoughtful, reckless but with his heart in the right place. And he had so many other great qualities, qualities that Eddie had always wanted in a partner, so it surprised him that Buck didn’t have more girlfriends following Abby. 

So yeah, Eddie is confused once again about relationships because he can’t figure out if what he feels towards Buck is friendship or something more, something that he’s always had trouble deciphering. But he didn’t want to look too deeply into their friendship, because he was sure that Buck was straight anyway, so there was no point in dwelling on it when he knows those potential feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated. That is, at least, until Buck changed everything by asking him on a date.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** 

Buck was nervous. Mostly because he hasn’t really done anything like this before and because he really doesn’t want to screw up his friendship with Eddie. He has no idea how the guy is going to react. I mean, sure they hang out so much it felt like they were already dating, but as soon as the question left his lips, it would make whatever romantic feelings he thought he might have real and that was what worried him. Because he really likes the guy but asking Eddie out on a date involved a number of different factors.

That the feelings he has towards Eddie might actually be reciprocated and not just wishful thinking. Or Eddie turns him down because he’d read too deeply into moments that might not have meant anything at all and their friendship will forever be different just because of one simple question. What happens if they do start dating, will they have to stop working together? _What if he’s biphobic?_ Something that he knows is highly unlikely with how accepting he is of Hen, but if on the off chance he’s wrong, Buck isn’t sure he could handle it.

And yet, despite having these thoughts swirling around his head for the last week, Buck can’t stop thinking about how close they’ve gotten in the past year and how much he wants there to be more. So, after everyone was on their way out after their shift, Buck keeps pace with Eddie asking him what he was up to on their day off.

“Well, I know I have at least two loads of laundry to get done while Chris is at school and I’m pretty sure the house is in need of a proper clean, so… not much really.” Eddie looks at him, with that little head tilt he gets when he’s curious. “Why do you ask?”

Buck glanced around, making sure that everyone else had left at this point, so there was no one to overhear in case this went badly. “I-um, well would you… would you like to go on a date with me?” With enough false starts, he eventually manages to stutter out the words he’s been wanting to say all week.

Eddie though, he realised, seemed to freeze at the question. Oh no. That was not a good sign. Has he just made a huge mistake? Buck could feel the panic welling inside him the longer Eddie stayed silent, which felt like it stretched on for hours. This was taking too long, if Eddie was going to say yes, he would have done it by now. God! Eddie must be thinking of a nice way to let him down easy.

“Buck, I-” Oh, that tone, this was a rejection. “This was a mistake, don’t worry about it Eds, I was clearly reading into something that wasn-”

Eddie quickly reached out and placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, effectively causing his rambling to stop. “Buck stop. I’m sorry. You surprised me that’s all. And what I was going to say before you interrupted me is that I’d like that. I would like to go on a date with you.”

“Oh.” Buck could feel the anxiety he was feeling a moment ago evaporate. “Okay, cool. How does lunch sound? That way you won’t have to reschedule anything with Chris _and_ you can still get some of that housework done too.”

Eddie smiles at him, in a way that he always found endearing “Yeah, that sounds great.”

And that was the beginning of it all. A simple lunch date that somehow ended with him back at Eddie’s house to help him clean it. It was as easy as breathing and from then on, it almost felt like nothing had changed, that they had just added a new layer to their relationship.

For the next couple of months, Buck was over at Eddie’s place more often than not, spending time with him and Christopher. They went on dates when they could, but they were taking things slow, getting a feel for this new facet of their relationship. And Buck was falling for Eddie, faster than he cared to admit in the short time since all of this started.

The team didn’t seem to notice, or if they did, they didn’t comment on it which he found surprising because if they were aware of it, Buck was sure Bobby would have called them into his office to sign some forms. Buck guessed that maybe they weren’t that obvious about it as he thought. Eddie wasn’t really into PDA especially in the workplace, so he assumed that to everyone else they were the same, aside from the fact they had become even more in tune with each other and attentive to what the other needed while on the job.

Everything seemed to be going so well between them, they were happy. And yet Buck couldn’t help but think that maybe things were moving _too_ slowly. It’d been several months now and they haven’t moved past kissing, holding hands and cuddling on the couch. Not that it bothered him or anything, at least until he started noticing that every time there even seemed to be an inkling that maybe they might start getting more intimate, Eddie just never seemed to be into it. Like he was just going through the motions.

Was it him? Did Eddie just not like him the way that he liked Eddie? Was he just not enough for Eddie or was he too much for him? Buck cared for Eddie in a way that he’s never quite experienced with anyone else before but he’s worried. He didn’t want to be forcing a relationship if Eddie wasn’t enjoying it anymore. 

After he'd first noticed that Eddie had been holding back when their kisses started to get more passionate, Buck couldn’t ignore it. So one afternoon, when it happens again Buck pulls away and shuffles on the couch so that there’s some distance between them. He could see Eddie’s confusion out of the corner of his eye.

“Am I doing something wrong?” He asks, looking down at his hands, “I can tell something isn’t right. You seem to be fine with all of the relationship stuff, but as soon as we get close to any real kind of intimacy, you shut down. I mean, you don’t stop but you don’t seem to be enjoying it either.”

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Eddie should have anticipated this. Of course, after dating for months now, Buck was going to want more. That’s _normal_. That’s what you’d expect in a relationship. Eddie truly likes what they have, loves it even; it’s become something that he never thought he would experience for a long time.

He knew Buck was pulling away and he knows that it’s his fault. He has been so patient with him. Not pressing him to go any further than what they were both comfortable with. And Eddie wanted to give everything to Buck, he does, but he’s not being honest. He knows that. And Buck doesn’t deserve to be left in the dark about his sexuality. It’s not fair to him. He didn’t want to string him along anymore, letting him keep up his hopes for something that may never happen.

So, when Buck asked that question all he felt was guilt and he had no idea what to say. His silence must have been some kind of answer for Buck though because he quickly got up and picked up his jacket which he’d haphazardly left on the armchair earlier. He didn’t look angry though, just sad and resigned.

Eddie couldn’t leave it like that and quickly followed him. “Buck, wait!”

Buck stopped without turning around, so Eddie reached out and gently tugged on Buck’s hand and turned him back without resistance but he kept his head bowed with his eyes trained on the floor. “Don’t go, okay?” Eddie put a finger under his chin and tilted his face up to look at him. “This isn’t your fault. I… I haven’t been completely honest with you, there’s something that I should have told you from the beginning.”

He leads Buck back to the couch and they both sat down, Buck looked sullen, like Eddie was about to break his heart. “Look I- I don’t even know _how_ to tell you this, but I need you to know that I’m sorry for making you feel like with was your fault because it’s not. It’s mine.”

Buck looks up at him at that and takes both of his hands in his own, looking desperately hopeful. “Eddie, you can tell me. If this is something that is affecting our relationship, I need to know what it is.”

Eddie looks away chewing his lower lip, “I just- I don’t know- this isn’t anything that I’ve ever told anybody before, not even Shannon…”

“You can trust me, whatever it is. I’m _here_.”

“I know I can,” Eddie lets out a deep breath, it’s now or never, “Buck, I’m asexual.”

He shuts his eyes, unable to bear to see anger or disgust in Buck’s face for not telling him after all these months. There’s a moment of pause and he flinches ever so slightly when he feels Buck’s hand on his cheek before finally speaking.

“Eddie,” he says softly, “I am so sorry that I pushed you into telling me this but I am so proud of you and I’m glad that you were able to tell me”

Eddie opened his eyes and placed his hand over Buck’s, confused why the guy wasn’t upset at him for lying to him. “You don’t hate me for keeping this from you?”

“What? No! Of course not!” Buck exclaims quietly. “This is who you are, I could never hate you for that.”

He should have known Buck would be understanding and that’s what made the next part so much harder. Curling his fingers around Buck’s hand Eddie pulled it down from his face, “I really like being with you Buck, but I know that some people can’t deal with the idea of being in a potentially non-sexual relationship, so I’ll understand if you want to end things now before we go any further and I won't hold it against you.”

The look Buck gave him at that was one of bewilderment. “Eddie, being with you is where I want to be, and I need you to know that what I feel towards you isn’t going to change because you’re asexual.”

Up until this point in his life, Eddie couldn’t fathom someone would ever want to be with him once they knew the truth. “You really mean that?” He asked, feeling misty-eyed.

“Of course I do.” And then Eddie couldn’t take it anymore and he fell forward, burying his face into Buck’s chest while breathing out a sigh of relief he didn’t realise he was holding. Shifting closer, Buck circles his arms around Eddie, holding him close as he pressed a kiss into his hair, and they just stay like that, not wanting to move from this moment.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

After a while Buck had shifted on the couch, sliding down and resting his head against the pillow on the armrest, dragging Eddie down with him to keep him nestled between his legs and on his chest. Running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, he’d turned on the tv to a mindless channel and they lay there for a couple of hours.

Buck got it, that feeling of coming out for the first time. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, sometimes it sucked, and you can’t always know how someone will react. Buck was fortunate with Maddie, but not so much with his parents. And he wanted Eddie to have that same experience of feeling as safe and loved as he did when he first told Maddie he was bisexual. And, he thinks, he must be doing something right because currently, Eddie was lightly dozing against him, looking at peace over his confession. 

When his stomach inevitably grumbled though, it caused Eddie to startle awake and Buck couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Hey.” He says with a smile, peering down at Eddie.

“Hey there,” replied Eddie quietly, shifting so that he was resting his chin on his forearm, “Sounds like someone’s hungry. Dinner?”

Buck pushes himself up, “Only if you let me cook. Even in your own home, I don’t think I’ll be able to trust you in the kitchen, especially after the Great Taco Fiasco.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at him and threw up his hands in exasperation. “I forget to put on a timer one time! I didn’t think that taco shells could burn that quickly!” Buck couldn’t help but laugh at his indignation as he heads to the kitchen to prepare something simple for them.

As he starts chopping up the ingredients for a fettuccine alfredo Buck chews at his lip absentmindedly, lost in thought. Christopher was over at a birthday slumber party, so he had all the time and the freedom to bring up any more questions he might have for Eddie.

As he cooks everything on autopilot, all he could think about was all the things that they had been doing in their relationship up until this point. Had he done anything that Eddie found unpleasant that he didn’t notice? How many times had he kissed Eddie, but Eddie didn’t kiss him back? How could he have been so oblivious about it up until now?

He was eventually brought out his thoughts by Eddie, who had moved around the bench and lightly touched his shoulder. “Evan? What gotten you so quiet?”

Buck sets down the spoon he’d was using to stir the sauce and turns, leaning back against the bench with a sigh. “I was just thinking that in all the months we’ve been together, how many times I’ve made you uncomfortable without realising it.”

“Don’t even worry about it, I don’t mind.”

“But I do Eddie! I want whatever we do in our relationship to be as good for you as it is for me. I don’t want you to feel any discomfort over anything we do, that’s just not fair to you.”

Eddie’s forehead creases in confusion, “But I just want to make you happy.”

Buck reaches out to caress his cheek, running his thumb gently along Eddie's cheekbone. “Eddie, I’m going to be happy with whatever we do or don’t do because I get to be with you. You shouldn’t have to do something just for my sake.”

“Oh.” Eddie ended up saying as if it had never occurred to him that that was a possibility.

Buck lets him mull that thought over and goes about serving their dinner before handing Eddie his plate and leaving a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth before he went to fish out some cutlery from the drawer. It's only after they had settled at the table and eaten a few bites does Eddie bring up the topic again.

“So how should we go about this?”

“It’s up to you really, but I think we need to be completely honest with each other. And just so you know, from here on out, I’m happy to go at whatever speed you’re comfortable with in this relationship.”

Eddie frowns again. “And what if that’s not enough for you?”

Buck reaches across the table to hold his hand over Eddie’s to get his point across. “Hey, I’m here aren’t I? You haven’t scared me off yet and I wouldn’t be suggesting this is I wasn’t willing to make this work for the both of us.” 

“Okay, yeah, I guess you have a point,” Eddie answers with a sigh.

Buck pats Eddie’s hand affectionately before pulling his back, leaving it to resting on the table. “That’s right. So, I was thinking we should go over what you like and don’t like in a relationship, just so I know where your boundaries are.”

“Right now?”

Buck shrugs in response, flourishing his fork, “I mean sure, why not. Chris isn’t here, and I want to make sure I do things right. Does that sound okay?” Eddie nods.

Buck thinks for a moment, deciding on something small to get them started. “Opinion on romantic gestures; the whole holding hands, gifts, flowers, that sort of thing.”

“Hmm, I think I prefer just spending time together, you doing things for me just because you want to, tells me more about how much you care about me than buying me a gift. But in saying that I’m not against hand-holding.” He ends up saying as he reaches across the table and laces his fingers with Bucks.

Buck looks down at their joined hands. “In that case, I’m guessing you don’t mind being physically close with one another like cuddling,” he indicates their hands, “and hand-holding. I mean, you initiate it just as much as I do.”

Eddie hums, “Yeah I really do like all our casual touches, and I love being close to you; like us snuggling together is probably my favourite form of intimacy.”

Buck can’t help but grin at that and gives Eddie’s fingers a light squeeze, pleased that Eddie loved it as much as he did. “Okay then. What are your thoughts on kissing?”

“I love all the little kisses, like all those affectionate ones you give me in my hair or on my cheek and I _do_ like kissing on the lips, but I’m not a fan of tongue.” He says that last part with the smallest of cringes.

“Alright, no tongue. Noted.” Buck swirls some pasta onto his fork and takes a bite, chewing slowly as he considers his next question, wondering how well it’s going to be received. “How do you feel about sex?”

Eddie shifts in his seat and ducks his head down to looks his plate, “It’s alright,” he says with a shrug, “I could do without it, but I don’t mind it either.”

Buck pauses to think on that one for a moment, “No sex it is then.” He says simply and then follows it up with popping a piece of broccoli in his mouth.

Eddie's head shoots up at that, “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Buck affirms with a nod. “In terms of any sexual intimacy, you get to decide how far we go, and I’m not going to push.”

Eddie looks at Buck in wonder, like he’s given him the best gift in the world. “What did I do to deserve you?” he murmurs to himself, but Buck heard him, and he couldn’t keep from giving him a soft smile before changing his grip on Eddie’s hand and bringing it up to his lips.

“You didn’t have to do anything except be yourself, that’s all it took for you to win me over. You deserve to be happy Eddie.” Gently brushing his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles, he lowers his hand to see a light blush dusting his boyfriend's cheeks. Now that they had everything out in the open Eddie was looking more relaxed, which was more than Buck could ever hope for.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this contentedly happy. He thinks in part it had to do with Buck just being Buck, but he thinks it’s mostly because he feels truly seen for the first time in his life. The fact the Buck was even still here after learning everything he had in the last few hours and accepted it all without any reservations astounded him.

As they worked as a team to wash the dishes together with their shoulders rubbing together and sharing sweet smiles at each other with each passed dish, Eddie couldn’t help but feel love bloom in his chest. How could he not, when he had someone like Buck in his life, to see him and love who he was unconditionally.

Later as they prepare for bed, Buck, endearingly now dedicated to forever being considerate of his comfort levels, asked him if he was okay with all the times he’d taken off his shirt to sleep. Thinking on it, Eddie had only ever found it uncomfortable that Buck was shirtless in bed was when he was shirtless _and_ they were making out in bed because it felt like it could inevitably lead to sex. So he told Buck just that, but no, it was fine when they were just snuggled up together.

Buck grinned at him and settled himself under the cover and Eddie quickly followed suit. Now knowing that there was never going to be any expectation for anything more than just cuddling unless he chose to, Eddie presses himself closer to Buck than he usually would, lying on his side with his shoulder wedged under Buck’s and his arm draped across his waist. Buck brings that arm up to loosely wrap around his shoulders and trails his fingers along Eddie’s bare arm almost absentmindedly as Eddie rests his head on Buck’s chest.

A chuckle rumbles through Buck, causing Eddie to readjust his position to hovers above Buck’s face who look up at him with mirth in his eyes, “What?” he asked in amusement.

“Oh nothing, I was just thinking that after everything we talked about, I feel like this is closest you’ve ever wanted to sleep next to me and I couldn’t be happier.”

Eddie leans down and brushing his lips against Bucks before pulling himself away. “Well now with everything out in the open, this is the most comfortable I have been in a long time sharing a bed with someone and I have you to thank for that.”

Buck’s eyes soften at that. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I already love you too much to let you go.”

Eddie can’t help but make a strangled sound before ducking his head into Buck’s neck. Buck saying those words so easily made his heart feel so full at the possibility, so he tells him the honest truth. “I don’t think that’s going to be an issue, because I know I love you too, and I don't think I could let you go either.”

Settling back into his position against Buck’s chest, Eddie sighs contentedly as Buck wraps his arms around him and drops a kiss to his forehead. Yeah, Eddie could see himself like this for the rest of his life and he hopes that Buck could too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading xx 
> 
> I hope you take the time to leave a kudos and comment, They are always appreciated!  
> And you are more than welcome to come and find me here [@captainstennerstar](https://captainstennerstar.tumblr.com/) to talk to me about this headcanon or anything else 💖


End file.
